You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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