Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
