ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
