Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry about my life...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
