I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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