My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
