I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
