Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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