You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
