Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
