THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
