I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
