Is it because I queefed?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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