Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
