Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
