I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
