why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
