If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
only you would photoshop your dick
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
