Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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