And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
