I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
