my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
