he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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