Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
