Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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