think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
