Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
