wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
