Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My pussy is not your playground.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
