4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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