I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
sarcasm needs its own font
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
