I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Randomize
