the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
