I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
