Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
