is wine microwaveable?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
