You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
