are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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