Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
