Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I want to make a zoo with you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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