So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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