NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
