my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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