if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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