yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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