Already got asked if we're dating
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
