That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
