The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
