I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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