I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
